F*#k other people’s books, write your own

I've read other people's books and they all start the same ways. they all try to draw you in, sound 20-something-ish cool, hip, like someone you wanna be like, only for some reason there's a not real ness about it. I can't put my finger yet on exactly what it is, but it's overproduced I guess to say the least. There's a voice that's lost in too many vocabulary words. I am a woman, 31 years old today as I write this. I was born in Cali raised in Vegas. I've lived in a few cities for brief periods of time and am currently residing in where I consider my hometown with my husband(whoda-fuckin-thought) and our chim Cham (kitty cat) working from home together with our own business. I don't know, truthfully I'm upset at the "inspirational" books that seem to be shoved in your face. They are all like "we're telling you how to be you" while being ego-y. What it feels like to me. I just I've felt like I should write ever since I was young. And I feel like I have something to say. Maybe it's not better than anything anyone else says but indeed it is my own voice and something I want to pass along to others. Like I feel when I am sharing with others things I've learned or thought, it helps me grow a little more than maybe reading what someone else has to say. I feel like at the end of the day I really know what the problem is or what ever cause I actually believe I'm smart and I'm sort of annoyed by people like "oh I've figured it out" cause it's like "yeah duh so have I!" And so I just want to have written something that is real and raw but not in a fake pedantic way. I feel like some girl authors around my age are tryna be's and I'm just a real a be Idk just a word I made up but yeah. I'm real in a way that I think is special, and I believe there other ladies out there in the same type of way. And it's like sometimes I'm just trying to say some inspiring shit to myself, or read some inspiring shit that I've said. I'm thankful I have this online blog that's been with me for so long. I know some good inspiring shit I've written here, who knows how it's impacted others, but for me it's a special thing. I learn to love myself again reading myself knowing myself. I feel as though I have a lot to offer, that people would be inspired to be themselves if they knew I was myself. I'm just living my life this way hey I'm just living my just living my life this way just living my just living my just living my life this way which is a song I wrote before lyrics and a melody. Husband can produce it . So when I share me like this, it is special, it is important but obviously when I'm being observed it changes it. I get embarrassed by being watched like I judge myself so much that I assume others do too. I never think, I only think privately to myself here in type usually and so, speaking aloud is so weird . It's something I'm practicing and getting used to recently. It's not like I have anything to say that's special it's just that I speak and so therefore it's special. My dream is to just be me. To speak and share my daily thoughts here. When I have this small time to myself sometimes I get out some profound stuff . I guess as of lately it's been different. I don't take much time to myself. It's weird . Only when husband is sleeping do I really have myself time and I guess it is important. I shouldn't be mad at him for wanting some time to himself either. I should also take that time to myself, whether it's to post or whatever to keep in touch with others maybe , anyone who is interested I'm not entirely sure. Well I just feel like what I could say could be well received by people . People like me and what I say. I want to be an inspiration to others to be themselves and live their lives to not try so hard. I feel like a lot of it is I want to inspire my own self to be my self live my life and not try so hard. I'm annoyed that I sometimes to go to read authors that are trying to tell me what I already know and say it in a fancy way and it's like. It doesn't need to be said fancy it just needs to be said real.